Students: Creating A New Sexual Culture

Let’s be real- sex is everywhere, especially in college. And consent is likely a big conversation on campus. I’m sure you hear a lot about what NOT to do in sexual exchanges, which is incredibly important. But how much are you hearing about what TO do? What IS possible in sex? How can it be so much more reciprocal, fulfilling, humanizing and safe? How to make positive sexual decisions,what important factors lead up to a moment of consent, and more importantly, what happens after the moment of consent? I’m not just talking about mechanics about how to be “better” in bed – I’m talking about how real bodies and real humans interact sexually in a way that feels congruent in their bodies, as well as in their minds.

From what I have seen in my campus tours in the US, that isn’t really talked about as much as it deserves to be… The lead up, the kissing, the foreplay, the clothes that come off, your own body that doesn’t always do or feel what you want it to, your partner’s body that doesn’t always do or feel what you wish or expect it would. You’re wondering about whether they are really enjoying themselves, the eye contact that you are or are not making, the unexpected emotions, the feelings the next day, the conversations or lack thereof. Whether you are sexually active or not, sexual feelings can be pretty confusing, a bit messy and possibly more complicated than you bargained for.

I’m also aware that you probably haven’t been given the entire picture about sex- a picture that doesn’t come from the media, porn or the looming silence that tells you there is something you are supposed to know that you have to figure out on your own. That silence makes it so you can’t really ask questions or talk about the important bits: pleasure, bodies, desire, connection. Ultimately, it’s as if you’re in a great wilderness, and you have no map.

Often we don’t know what we don’t know until we are given information and a space to really explore this conversation in a way that feels welcoming, safe, real and honest. And then, light bulbs go off in amazing and important ways.

I have a map to give you that will help you feel more empowered, valued, fulfilled and safe in your explorations and decisions about sex. I want to tell you a new story about sex- One where you understand that your sexuality is one of your greatest responsibilities and gifts.

What’s up with sex on campus?

If you’re an American student, you likely grew up in a culture of sex that was simultaneously objectified and repressed. Pornography is often the main source of sex education for our young people, yet the population at large insists on silence around sex. You arrive to college, where most people are exploring their sexuality, believing that sex should look like porn. Real sex is not porn or what you see in the movies. Hollywood and porn are not real. At the end of the day what that means is that you are missing out on what sex can actually be, which is so much more than you’ve ever been taught or believed was possible. When we try to reenact media or porn in real life, what often ends up happening is that one or both parties walk away feeling like something is wrong with THEM. And that feels horrible… More importantly, it is not true.

You’re taught about consent during orientation, but do you actually know what you’re consenting to? Do you know what to expect from your partner, how to listen to your body, and how to communicate?

Your pornographic sex education and our culture of silence have set you up for failure. In this paradigm, sex often ends with a thousand disappointments and unanswered questions.

What’s wrong with my body?
How do I know what my partner wants?
Why doesn’t this feel good?
Why can’t I last longer?
Why do I feel so emotional?
This is it?

How can you talk about this? How can you ask questions? Voice your needs or desires in the moment? Figure out what turns you on and what doesn’t? It’s challenging to wade through these waters, especially in the vulnerable company of someone else.

For many students, sex becomes lonely, empty and obligatory. Some can’t shake an inexplicable feeling of violation, even if the sex was entirely consensual. Others can’t shake the feeling that it just felt kind of shallow, unsatisfying, and full of performance pressure.

No one is talking about it and everyone is feeling it, and so the sexual culture becomes awkward, unfeeling, confusing, frustrating, and isolating. At its worst, violent.

That’s why sex is so confusing. But it doesn’t have to be.

What I will bring to your campus


I work with students to empower you with a kind of sex education you’ve likely never had and could truly benefit from. In my workshops, you will learn all the intricacies about sex and your body, and you will begin an important, illuminating conversation. As many students have noticed after workshops, it is an enormous relief to begin this work.

What We’ll Talk About

I will meet you on your level without any bullshit or pretense. I will sit down with you and give you the real story about real sex. Whether you are sexually active or not, no matter your gender identification or sexual orientation, you will walk away from this time wondering how you have gotten this far in your life without these conversations.

My workshops cover the topic of sex from the heart to the head to the genitals. Your shyness, questions and curiosities are welcome; your vulnerability is one of the most honest things you’ve got. I help shed light on the nitty-gritty of anatomy (beyond the line drawings and pregnancy threats you got in sixth grade) and sexual pleasure. We’ll slow the conversation way down, and I will help you build a new line of communication with your body and desires.

We’ll talk about why you feel so many damn emotions before and after sex, and what is and isn’t happening in your body.

I will help you understand how to create even better, more satisfying and reciprocal sexual experiences that leave you walking away feeling like more of yourself instead of less of yourself. I give you information and tools to claim or reclaim your sexual agency and to heal from past sexual trauma or any kind of unsettling sexual experience.

Bring this work to your campus. Contact me here.

What It’s Like to Work with Me

I disarm and relax the conversation to help everyone understand that we’re all feeling our way around in the dark when it comes to sex. This allows you to dissolve shame, investigate past sexual experiences, have space to ask questions, and learn and talk about all things sex-related.

The response from students so far has been overwhelmingly clear: “We need this work. There is nowhere for us to talk like this. Why have I never been taught this information?”

Now there’s somewhere to talk about it.

Why my work is different

When I come to your campus I will come for two days and offer a series of workshops and spaces for conversation, questions and follow up. I’m not just going to come in for an hour or two, lecture and then split. Real education about sex can’t happen like that. It takes time (and so does great sex, actually, which is something we’ll talk about). Inevitably, those who come to my first workshop always bring their friends to the next one, and then they all come back the next day for Q & A. It is important to me that you feel like you are really learning in a way that can actually affect lasting changes in the way you relate to your own bodies, lives and partners. This is how we can create real change.

You Are All Welcome Here

My workshops are safe and inclusive for all articulations of gender, sexuality, and sexual history, including those who have never had sex and those who are trauma survivors. I help create a relaxed and welcoming space that invites vulnerability and the ability to “not know.”

Here, you can learn together, in one room. You can ask questions. You can move past shame and fear and into curiosity, confidence, and care. You can finally talk and learn about the things you’ve never been able to before.

Book me at your campus now.

THE BODY OF SEX

TWO 1.5 hour workshops

  • These can be single gender or mixed gender and will cover male-identifying and female-identifying material respectively.

How can you talk about consent when it’s totally unclear what sex really is (and I promise you it’s more than just mechanics)? It’s difficult because no one has ever taught you about your BODY…. And your body is where SEX HAPPENS. Your body is where CONSENT happens.

In these two workshops, you’ll learn how your body works when it comes to pleasure and sex and how your body is connected to your intuition and your inner sense of yourself. You will see that your body is a place that you can listen to and TRUST.

Workshops 1 and 2 offer education on:

  • Uncovering the “lies” about sex and sexuality in our culture and freeing ourselves from shame and fear about sexuality
  • Vulva and phallus anatomy (beyond the simple anatomy you got in sixth grade)
  • The anatomy of sexual pleasure
  • The difference between male and female pleasure
  • The limiting constructs of masculine and feminine that we are often stuck in. How these constructs make everything more difficult and less true to who we really are
  • Premature ejaculation and impotence (why they happen and how to work with them)
  • How pornography is ruining your sex life (in ways that you might not imagine or realize)
  • Why sex can physically hurt and how to help it feel better
  • The infinite range of orgasms (there’s more than the race to orgasm)
  • The relationship between trust and pleasure
  • The role of eye contact
  • Asking for what you want
  • Connecting to your own sexual intuition and instinct
  • Why sexual relationships get “messy”
  • Why you feel so many damn emotions in bed (and how to navigate them)
  • Why vulnerability and sex matter so much to each other

Workshop 2: Q and A 1.5 hours

The second workshop provides a safe space for you to ask questions and guide the discussion based on your needs for more learning. THIS is where we really begin to shift the sexual culture on campus. We slow down the pace of conversation and let you connect with how you actually feel about sex in a safe environment that invites vulnerability and the ability to “not know.”

Bring this work to your campus now.

 

What students are saying about my work.

Shoot me an email. I want to hear from you.

I felt so welcomed and whole in your workshop… Thank you so much for the work that you are doing… it’s so important, I wish everyone at my school, every teenager, every human could be in those workshops.

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